By Bob Vahsholtz, March 2021

Moving to a retirement community is a big decision, and rarely easy. It has that “air of finality” that can be hard to face. Marge and I wed as teenagers, have been married 65 years and always prided ourselves on being independent. We spurned my dad’s funding of my education to do it on our own, and we did so, debt-free. We set a goal of retiring young, accomplishing that at age 45, until our old boss lured us back in the saddle with new and interesting challenges for another career. Our lives have been one adventure after another. And good health all the way. Lucky us!

Three years ago, entering our 80s, our beautiful Coastal California home on acreage no longer looked so inviting. We’d moved there in 1988 with Marge declaring, “They’ll take me out of here in a pine box.” Facing knee surgery, those stairs and the charms of a big garden had faded. We hired help but honestly, that didn’t solve the problem. One thing we knew for sure, we didn’t want to be a burden to our kids and surely didn’t want to wait for those dreaded words, “Mom and Dad; it’s time …”

Just to check out options we visited friends in a couple of nearby retirement communities and found one of them suitable. We said, “OK. That’s where we’ll go when it’s time.”

But when is “time”? That decision is so easy to push into the future.

Stalling, we decided to take one of our little trips to visit the “Washington kids,” our son and his wife. At their invitation, we decided to look around the retirement state they’d chosen. We’re very glad we did.

Further “stalling” the big decision, we pooled our thoughts on preferences to help evaluate the many confusing choices: Rent or own? Assisted or Independent living? Cottage or apartment? Affordable? What about the weather? We’d chosen our California home primarily for its near-perfect weather, and hated to leave that behind!

We spent a few months prescreening retirement communities in various states, checking brochures and websites, culling out many choices. We prefer small towns, like nice weather and wanted two bedrooms, with one as an office. Too few places provided good information on those subjects, focusing more on their entertainment options. Nice, but of little importance to us. We’re both active with our hobbies and never bored. We didn’t want a ritzy “dress for dinner” place, but we did want “friendly and helpful” and nothing grubby, please. Marge is a great cook, but it’s not her joy in life, so full food service was on our check list, along with many items of greater or lesser importance. We tried to think through everything.

We traveled about a thousand miles around Washington for ten days or so, getting a feel for the state; where we’d never lived. We arranged ahead for visits to ten Washington retirement communities, and tried to schedule a meal at every one, a tour and an overnight stay, if that was offered. We were always welcomed and taken good care of; maybe a bit “too good” in some cases. We sought opportunities to talk to some residents. They know the straight scoop and usually don’t mind sharing it. After each visit we took the time to sum up the pluses and minuses of that day’s visit, lest they all blur together.

As our scouting trip drew to a close, some conclusions became clear:

• Washington state was our clear preference.

• We preferred the Western parts, maximizing sun and minimizing rain and snow.

• Though healthy for our age, we didn’t want to face another move.

Those decisions ruled out most of the places we visited, narrowing our options to two. Both were in small Washington Peninsula towns and offered both independent and assisted living. One said they’d move us free when we decided we needed assisted living and the other said they’d provide full assistance whenever needed in whichever apartment we chose.

It was not an easy choice, but that last factor swung the balance. We signed onto the waiting list. When our chosen apartment became available, we planned our move carefully, sold our home, kept things important to us, gave the kids whatever they wanted and had an estate sale to dispose of the rest. We scheduled our move for soon after the house sold, arriving in bad weather, but you can’t win ’em all. We quickly settled into the next adventure of our lives. I should mention, we paid a month or two extra rent to provide time for all that, but found it a small and wise investment in our future home. Our daughter noted long ago, everywhere we live always becomes “home”. We found it easy to make this apartment our home. Tight quarters? Yes, but plenty of room for two. Easy living!

Marge and I have always relied on each other. In our mid-eighties, it’s handy to have our son and his wife nearby for family companionship and help “when we get old”. But if (when?) one of us is incapacitated, the other might need family help. The “kids” are healthy and responsible and our son is executor of our trust. It was written long ago, updated as needed and gives him full authority. We’re hoping this facility and our neighbors and friends here will provide the community support we need, but one never knows.

We’ve been here a bit more than two years now, and we’re glad we made the choice carefully, and as soon as we did. The sales pitches often emphasized the importance of moving “… early while your health is good.” Yeah, right; sales pitch to fill those apartments? But no, it’s a profound truth. We’ve chosen a friendly community, small enough to meet everyone in the course of living. We soon became part of the “family,” and that’s important. The cost proved no higher than our previous home and there can be tax advantages.

The Covid lockdown has been a social strain, but most residents here bear up and remain happy with their lifestyle choice. Two clear marks distinguish the grouches; they waited until bad health or loss of spouse forced the choice, or finally gave in to well-meaning pressure from the family.

Don’t do that. Happy residents enter their choice of community, at a time of their choosing and make friends. A good community welcomes residents, absorbs them comfortably and life is good. Gripes? Of course; we all have them, but they’re easily offset by the help in facing our declining years. Retirement communities are in the business of making aging as comfortable as possible for for us—their customers.

Give them a chance!